30 May I’ll be honest, I am scared AF
For the last two weeks I have been searching for a way to put into words how I really feel. It sort of sunk in a few days ago that in a little over a month’s time, we were set to wave goodbye to South Africa and take the adventure of a lifetime, where we’d travel around South America but instead, I find myself head deep in paperwork and not really knowing what to do next.
You see, the advantage of our South American dream is that we could leave tomorrow but emigrating to the UK means endless paperwork, acquiring my passport, then the boys’ and finally D’s Visa – oh and then there’s the getting rid of everything, packing up life, and finding the damn money for a country that is REALLY expensive!
I am only in the beginning stages of requesting all the original birth certificates from home affairs which can take up to 8 weeks. From there, I send everything to my agency who will submit it to the UK so that I can get my passport – which will take another 6 weeks.
In the meantime, life must go on. Life, here, in South Africa.
I hadn’t intended on being here for much longer, so now I am finding myself with problems like our lease ending soon, our car falling apart, and whether I should pay the enrolment fee for Axl’s school, because who actually knows how long everything might take?
We were aiming to leave for the UK by September, but I see no possible way of that happening, so second prize is December or the latest, April. But really… I just want to be in the UK already.
I am a “pull off the bandaid” sort of girl, and all this waiting around has me stressing about all the craziest possibilities that may never happen. I realize that when we first get there, it’s going to be rough, financially – but we’ve been worse off – so I know that we’ll make it work. But the stress of not having a home and furniture sort of scares me – not to mention the cost of furnishing said home, when we get it!
And then there’s leaving and living out of our comfort zone. D and I only know South Africa, we only know THIS life and although as a child, I moved around a hundred times, this time it’s bigger not only because we are leaving the country, but because we are the adults – We are the ones who have to make it work while being responsible for two perfect little boys and gosh, I can’t mess this up.
Then there’s all the extra costs – visas, passports, and agency fees. It’s enough to say nope, let’s just go to Chile. Believe me, I have thought of it. I have dreamt of it. And even cried for it.
But standing on the cusp of something amazing is bound to be fucken scary and I realize that’s all I am feeling. Really. Fucken. Scared.
It’s like that part in a movie, when you can hear the drums building up, and without knowing what’s to come, you close your eyes and jump because whatever is in front of you has to be better than what you’re leaving behind.
England IS right for us. I can feel it and I know that in the long-term it’s going to be the best thing we’ve ever done for our boys but that’s not to say it’ll be easy.
It’s going to get tougher, darker and a whole lot scarier before it gets any easier, and I just got to pray and hope that I have the perseverance to make it through with my sanity intact.