The purpose of the post is really just to tell you all, that I am still here. Truthfully, I was just going to skip through last week and didn’t think anyone would think any more of it but I was wrong and after receiving a few messages and emails, I thought I would just let you know, that I am okay!
I am truly grateful for your concern. The fact that you took time out of your day to check that I was okay, well… I will never know what I did to deserve readers like you! I hadn’t planned on writing a full Life Lately post just yet, and was saving it for later this month, but I thought that I would just throw it all into one post and let you know what’s been happening on my side of the world.
After D had been unemployed for a full year, he was offered a job doing something he truly loved. He left each day, went to an environment he liked, and worked with people who he adored. My husband enjoys people, but people who he knows. He will literally do anything not to speak to strangers, so seeing him in an environment where he had to talk to clients (70-90 of them per day) and still love it, was truly something new. But then it went wrong and boy, did it go wrong. Suddenly D’s working environment changed and when he was asked to start working permanently for a US-based company (the same hours as me) there really wasn’t much stopping him from saying goodbye to his new job, and starting with the US-based company, working from home, during the evening with me.
Let me just say that I am SO grateful that D is finally doing something that challenges him and that he enjoys! The last year has been a burden for him and me both, and I can’t wait for us to be able to breathe again! That being said, I am also very proud of him. He stood up for himself, took control and walked into a position that really works for us and our family, much better than a normal 8-5 job (and most weekends and evenings!) for a salary that wouldn’t put a dent into what we needed, all while keeping him from his family.
This month, we also celebrated Darren’s birthday, 3 years since we found out that we were expecting the kiddo and our 3rd wedding anniversary. Yes, July is quite a biggie for our family! We didn’t go over the top – in fact, for our anniversary, we got Pizza and both spent the evening working side by side, getting through our workloads. That’s married life, though, isn’t it? Sometimes, the butterflies can be far and out of sight, but you realize that your significant other, just makes it all worth it. I usually dislike Facebook’s ‘On This Day’ feature, but when it comes to special occasions, it’s my favourite! I love reading each year’s anniversary message, and seeing just how far we’ve come!
Honestly, this year has been a toughie as I am sure you’re all sick of hearing about. But I couldn’t ask for a better person to hold my hand and guide me through it all. Despite the challenges, we’ve always managed to find a reason to laugh, to find the silver lining (even when it is VERY slim) but we do it, together.
I feel like I looked at my laptop and when I looked back up, Axl sprouted. He is looking so grown up and already wearing clothes for age 3-4. My baby is still 2! He is just looking so much taller, and more like a little boy than my baby!
I had mentioned how I was worried about the rate of which his vocabulary was developing and although he still isn’t talking in full sentences, his words are coming out more and more. It’s become quite entertaining really. Interestingly enough, we recently spoke to a relative who mentioned that her son (D’s cousin) was exactly the same and when they took him to professionals, they told his parents that there was nothing wrong with him, other than being outrageously smart. What it comes down to is, (and I have explained this before) Axl knows that he doesn’t need to talk because we happen to always just figure out what he wants. It takes us asking and insisting on him talking for him to eventually blurt it out, with complete clarity. Apparently, with him showing such understanding, even with our complex sentences, we shouldn’t be worried – he is just outsmarting us and can talk, but doesn’t necessarily want to, right now. It helps knowing someone who went through this too!
Dino fever has hit our home in full force. I have lost count of the amount of dinosaurs we home but I love it and would not have it any other way! We’re probably going to have to move soon, as my mom’s fiance (and the owner of our house) recently passed away unexpectantly. Sadly, they have chosen to sell the house that we’re renting but when we do eventually move, I want to redo Axl’s room with Dinosaurs. I am hoping that a room with all his favourite things will motivate him to sleep in his own bed but for now, while it is winter, I am completely okay with the extra cuddles.
When summer rolls around, I think that it will be a good time for us to start focusing on potty training. I am petrified of this stage and really hope that he just sort of takes to it. But I somehow doubt it. He has, however, started becoming very aware of needing a nappy change and will either ask for me to change his bum or fetch a nappy himself. I actually spotted Dinosaur underpants, in PEP today, that I am considering going back for. And maybe collect Dino stickers and create a reward chart of the sorts. I don’t know, I still need to look into this stuff, so if you have any tips, books or articles that you think I should read – please let me know?
We seem to be going through another wave of everyone asking when we plan on having another baby. And for a very brief moment, D and I both found ourselves asking the same question. But to be honest, there are still so many things that we want to do before having a second kid. Number one? Medical aid! I’d love to have another kid, damn – I would have 20, if I could. But I think the practical side outweighs all of that, and I really just want to give Axl all the best opportunities that I could ever afford. I don’t know, maybe we will talk again, in a year or so. It is sort of funny though, I had Axl running around the house asking where’s the baby? He loves babies and watches YouTube videos of babies on repeat, or when we walk past a pram he has to peep inside whenever he can, just to see that there is a baby there. I won’t lie, seeing him so sweet around other kids that are younger than him, certainly makes me wish that it were the right time but alas, it isn’t. Not yet.
In an entirely unrelated note, Axl has really been showing interest in other animals and D has been on my case about getting a fish or hamster. I never thought I’d be the one to say no to getting more animals, but someone’s got to be the adult. We already have two dogs who Axl completely adores. They’re about 6 years old and the one sort of loses patience with him. He played with a hamster in store, the other day, and he was so gaga about it that it made D want one, too. Hahaha!
Personally, I feel like I hit a really good streak. This little blog is growing and doing things that I could have never anticipated and to say that I am proud, well -that is a mighty big understatement. Two weeks ago, I was contacted by a locally produced TV show called Vision 4 Women to feature me on their second season. The show aims to profile local female entrepreneurs, showing off what women in our area are currently doing but in their new season, they were really hoping to diversify their guests and instead of just featuring the typical corporate-driven woman, they wanted to include guests who took their passion and made it into a career. I don’t think I had ever considered myself a “business women,” but I guess it’s time I start taking myself seriously.
I had also been invited to speak at Curves Walker Drive’s Christmas in July High Tea, which took place on Saturday. I will be writing a post on Thursday that shares a little more about what I had to say and goes more in depth about this journey that I have started. So keep an eye out for that.
So about last week. To be honest, it just sort of felt like I was holding everything together for far too long. I know that I am only so strong because of the people who support me and build me up. I have never been one to acknowledge my successes and usually am quite a hard-ass, so to one person, it may seem like I am doing crazy big things but to me – it’s meh! I always fall into the trap of comparing myself to others and although I know that we’re all on different paths, it is difficult not to get frustrated. There’s been a whole lot of good that’s happened recently, I have made some incredible strides and I really need to learn to pat myself on the back.
In addition to that, it just feels like so many things had to get worse for it to get any better. We all fell terribly ill the weekend before Darren was set to start his new job, so obviously spent the entire time stressing about him making a bad first impression (not that it mattered, after his boss went a little nuts not even 2 weeks later).
Then we had the car break down on us and had to hire a flatbed to tow it and have it looked at. Two days later, our nanny was wiping the TV screen and the whole thing cracked from bottom to top. She didn’t do anything wrong, I happened to be there. It just… cracked. The day before our wedding anniversary, D left me with all the bags of shopping and a miserable toddler while he went to the bathroom. I was loading everything into the car, closed the door and heard a crack… And I literally thought, “Oh, f**k, what now!?” Darren’s phone that wasn’t even 2 months old, was in his jacket’s pocket, and the jacket got stuck in the door. The phone is literally bent in half. Now, if anyone knows my luck with phones – you can imagine how this was the straw to camel’s back. And I broke. I broke over and over again. A couple nights later, I knocked a cup of cold drink over and literally burst into tears, everything was tearing me down. And I just couldn’t do it anymore.
I had deadlines that only I had set for myself, too much to worry about, accounts to pay with no income yet, no new work coming in, Darren leaving one job for another, Axl being a toddler, life, work, and emails. Hundreds of emails, asking me questions I didn’t have the answers to. And customers, far too many customers who can’t be bothered to read a confirmation email and then complain when the address that they gave me, wasn’t the right one. Life became too much so I stepped away and decided to give the blog a break. Just do what I needed to, get back into the rhythm of gym, come home, relax and watch movies with the toddler, wipe up my tears, listen to Podcasts, play Pokemon Go, work on my talk for Saturday, do everything but worry about deadlines and expectations that only I had set for myself.
Sometimes, it pays off to give yourself that time. The last few months have been a whirlwind and while taking care of everybody else, I had forgotten to take care of me. I had forgotten that sometimes we need to drop the ball and just allow the storm to pass instead of fighting so hard that there’s nothing left of me.
It worked. I am back. I am refueled and ready to go. And I can’t wait to show you what I have been working on!
I was recently listening to a Podcast from Fearless Rebelle Radio with Summer Innanen, who interviewed Sarah Knight, the author of The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck. I feel like the podcast was exactly what I needed to hear, right when I needed it. Finding Rebelle Radio was by complete chance and something about that episode stuck out, so I ran a bath, soaked up some LUSH and listened to it, which also prompted me getting the book immediately.
In the book, she breaks it down to a simple rule; Joy VS. Annoy. If it annoys you – cut it out from your life! We’re always left drained of any energy because we’re too busy doing too much of what annoys us, instead of doing more of the things that bring us joy! I know that sometimes, we have no choice and have to do the things we don’t want to do, but a lot of the time, I feel like I am busy giving, giving, giving and am just left feeling deflated. It gave me food for thought – it gave me that push to unfollow the people who only feed my frustration and need to compare, I started saying no to things that I had no interest in doing for everyone else’s gain, I started being a little bit more selfish with my time and didn’t put myself under the pressure to do things to keep anyone else happy, when it wasn’t making me happy.
It’s never black and white and thus, it will never be as simple as Joy VS. Annoy BUT, when it can be THAT simple! Take advantage of it.