If you don’t get the Parks & Recs reference in the title, you might need to watch this for some context.
So here’s a confession, for the last year or so, I have been “adulting” much harder than one person should. After D’s retrenchment, I stopped living with my head in the clouds and took hold of our finances. I started tracking our accounts and what we spent our money on. Putting it politely I became the worst person to be around, because somehow everything revolved around money. It is sad but true.
As I said, we’ve finally caught our breath and last week, we even managed to save our car from being repossessed. I have a constant sense of gratitude for how things have finally started to fall into place and how after almost one and a half years, we’ve somehow managed to stay afloat despite the stormy seas. But still, I have been strict with money. In fact, I have been so strict that for the fist half of the year, I had given up buying anything beauty related and really struggled to accept a birthday or mother’s day gift from Darren and Axl. The rule was that if it wasn’t needed and it wasn’t essential to our survival, then we weren’t buying it.
The week leading to the #ECMeetup, I didn’t blog much because every minute that I had spare was spent reading Jojo Moyes’ Me Before You. It’s been over a year since I actually finished an entire book, let alone got so absorbed that I was fighting the tired tears (and real tears) at 2 or 3am each morning. Getting lost in a book was addictive and when Lyds told me there was a second book, I immediately tried getting it. A book that couldn’t be found and when it could, packed a hefty price tag. After a week, I happened to check our Takealot for something entirely different, and what do you know, the book was on special for only R165. Ordering it went against every bone in my body – I didn’t need it, it wasn’t essential but man, I wanted it. The thriftiness in me had to validate the “splurge” and I ended up using my extra eBucks to even include some new Essence launches that I had been dying to try.
I placed the order.
And was giddy with excitement. Child-like excitement.
After, surviving “hell week,” where I just hope that everyone pays my invoices and I spend my sleepless hours crunching the numbers, I left Friday afternoon as a survivor. And I buckled. After a year and a half of crunching numbers and vowing not to buy the unnecessary, I placed an international order for some new makeup. Nothing extravagant, and believe me – I have an entire series planned around my orders (spoiler: budget beauty is better beauty) but it felt so good and then I realized why.
I had almost become somewhat resentful towards work and everything surrounding it because I had become just another part of the corporate machine. I logged in at 5pm, did my work, logged out, went to bed, collected my weekly paycheck and paid it out to accounts. There was nothing to look forward to, no special treat, no well done Megan! I had entered and won competitions, I had worked all the extra hours and I had nothing to really show for it, other than a roof over my head (I say that with the biggest amount of gratitude) but just as you look forward to finally purchasing that lil something each month, I hadn’t done that in a very, very long time.
There really is so much sadness and ugliness surrounding us, these days. There are so many reasons why we don’t put our own happiness first and why we don’t believe we deserve it. But there is one reason you need to start making it a priority – your own wellbeing. I had grown bitter and despondent towards the constant hours of working and hustling. I had lost my oomph, my inspiration and was ready to quit before I had even begun. I grew tired of the space I was in and it all rooted from one thing, I was working constantly with nothing feeding my drive.
To make the endless hours of work worth it, the mom guilt, the moments I lose because I am sitting behind the computer yet again, I should be allowed to treat myself, treat my husband and spoil my kid without the feeling that I need to validate it. Life should be about more than just another account. It should be about investing in yourself, in your well-being in what makes you happier. So if a book that is R165 is going to bring you giddy, child-like excitement, then I say order it for no other reason than you. Spoil yourself. Treat yo’self and be happy.